Dear diary

[{mad_man}]

Since this place is nearly dead, I might consider using this as diary for real! What I did in the previous week:

Monday: I woke up at noon and I had lunch with my father while we were watching Fresh prince of bel air. I had rehearsals with my jazz band, I met up with them at the place (drummer's house, his name os Marcel) and we jammed for 8 hours - basically jazz and rock, but we did jam some folk and progressive stuff as well. I was deadly exausted after playing, I played electric guitar, acoustic guitar, piano and bass - also singing. Rehearsal was fantastic, I could lead the jam many times (which is something really good cos all of them play very well, enough to let someone with an idea lead the jam), we all smoked marijuana A LOT during the rehearsal, wich actually helps cos you get far away from your head and jam it with music. Then I came back to the bandmates place (the "guitarrist" and the "bassist" - we all change instruments, but if we had to answer we would say they play guitar and the other bass), cos 2 of them live in the students' house. I have a girlfriend living there (Mírian) too, I met up with her and my friend Bruno and the 3 of us had a hot dog, I missed them so much cos I was in Argentina and Uruguay, we talked for like 2 hours - actually me telling them about the trip I had. Then I came back to the students' house to stay with Mírian, there's an old friend from school living there now and it was a surprise to see him there. Me and Mírian started cuddling while I jammed music with my acoustic guitar, it was lovely, we kissed and cuddled a lot, she fell asleep on me and so did I on my guitar.

Tuesday: I woke up with Mírian on me and I had to wake her up to open the door for me cos I wanted to go home (and she needed to work). I went home on foot (it took me at least an hour, but I am not swimming, so it's good as an excercise), I had a shower, I watched tv for hours (House, Fresh Prince and Simpsons) and took a nap. I woke up LATE (afternoon) and had something to eat and played guitar and piano for over 7 hours (I learned and then played the whole "vol 4" album by Black Sabbath by myself). Luciano called, he's the guitar player of Sabbra Cadabra (Black Sabbath cover) and Spartacus (Heavy Metal band from Porto Alegre) and he invited me to have a meeting and rehearsal with Sabbra Cadabra and "if it is good" (his words) I could join Spartacus when the singer leaves the band. I used msn and stuff for some time, until I go to bed!

Wednesday: I woke up late as usual, I had lunch with my father while we were watching House, I had to clean the house for some time until I go to the students' house to meet with the bandmates. Rehearsal actually started at 9, we all smoked Marijuana (a lot) with friends invited and Mari (she's a friend, she has already dated all the boys there and since she's cute, Daniel (the "guitarrist") kissed her after we played). Rehearsal was fantastic, I jammed guitar, piano, drums and I wrote music while jamming with lyrics, the friends and Mari suggested that I become the leader of the band, or that I - at least - arrange the music we jam, but the word "leader" was good. After playing, one of the friends there drove me home and praised me for my musical skills. At home, I talked to dad and he could see I was still high but it didn't matter, I used the computer and stuff, I played video-game (Prey) and watched porn while jamming my guitar. I went to bed, Ana invited me out through orkut, so did Fernanda (Facebook) and Mayara (phone message), but I don't wanna see them cos Patrícia asked me out on sunday (to go out during the week) and she's way more interesting than the other girls. I promised dad that I would cook him lunch.

Thursday: I woke up too late and I took dad to a restaurant to have a good meal and talk. We talked about how my brother is immature and selfish and about the fact that I have girlfriends and not just one (he says he doesn't mind, but my mother really hates it, she doesn't know some of these women date a lot of men too). After lunch I went downtown and met up Bruno and we talked a lot about our lives and stuff. I told him goodbye to meet up with my cousin Carol, we went to the bar and had beer and had a great conversation about ourselves and the people we met in Argentina. Then my cousin Ader (who's 45 and parties a lot) showed up and he invited me to have a pizza, I said bye to Carol and I had a pizza with Ader and we went to a pub. There, my friend Elton was playing there with his rock band and I knew basically all the people there, Caroline (not the cousin, but a friend) talked to me during the whole gig and I hitted on her and she liked it, it was good but my cousin wanted to leave early, so he drove me back home. At home, I played piano for hours, until I was too tired to continue and I went to bed. I talked to Patrícia and we arranged a date for friday.

Friday: I woke up late again, I had something to eat and took the bus to Luciano's house. We spent hours talking about Sabbra Cadabra, when the boys came we rehearsed "Hole in the Sky" and "Sympton of the Universe" and it was great, they were impressed with my voice and the topic became me joining Spartacus, cos the singer wants to retire from music (it's a big band, I would - or will - get a lot of money compared to the money I currently have if I join them). After playing and discussing I had to leave for my date with Patrícia. It was in a pub, she was looking fabulous, we talked for 3 hours and it was great, she's good looking and intelligent and she seemed very interesting in what I had to say, we flerted a lot during it. Date was so good that I was late for my rehearsal with the jazz band, she wanted to go with me (which is a good sign) but I didn't let her cos, even though I was suggested to be the leader, I am new in the band and I also think her presence there would drive my focus away (and I'm not sure she would like to see me getting high...a lot). We kissed after the date and I went to Marcel's place for the rehearsal. It was simply great, I jammed drums this time and it was really good, I also jammed guitar and piano, the rehearsal really made me realize I'm a good musician cos I was in fact leading the jams, telling the boys the notes and the rythm and creating music. Of course I got high, very high during the rehearsal. After that I came to the students' house and Mírian was there, we went to bed, cuddled a little bit and she wanted to talk to the other people who live there while I was in bed, I could hear the conversation, it was about me, they were saying I'm talented for music and that I'm good guy, I smiled and feel asleep.

Saturday: I woke up early, with Mírian beside me, I woke her up so then she could open the door. She did it, I gave her a kiss goodbye and I came back home. I took a shower, watched House on tv and slept until late, had lunch with dad at 3 PM and played guitar for an hour. Then I went downtown and met up with Bruno, Juliano and Loco, we had a cheeseburger and juice together and talked about sex and the news we had in our lives. Then we started walking and they saw a friend (her name is Juliana), I met her and talked, it was nice, she invited us to her place. I met her brother there, very nice man, we all talked and got drunk together with vodka, it was good but my father called and asked me if I wanted a ride back home and I said yes, so I had to leave Juliana's house, I asked her out and she said she has a boyfriend, I told her I was not asking her to be my girlfriend, she smiled at me. When I came back home Juliana had added me on msn and orkut and said I was "a mean and fast man", I liked it. Then I talked to dad until he goes to the bus station get mom back from her trip to Goiás. When she came I was so happy, I hugged her but she had to sleep cos it was like 4:30 AM, I played the video game and went to bed.

Sunday: I woke up late and my brothers were at home with my nephew, niece and my sister in law. We had lunch and talked for hours about how life is, Patrícia called me and asked me out for next week, I said yes. Fernanda called to ask me out too but only in February, I said yer. I took care of my nephew and I loved each second, he's a nice little man, in a month he'll be 1 year old. Then my family (except my parents) had to go, I watched the simpsons for some time and talked to my mother for hours. Then I listened to Brahms and Miles Davis and went to bed.

It was a good week, my musical skills were appreciated, I had a great date with a nice woman, Mírian and I spent time together, I had a great first rehearsal with a professional band. I spent time with my parents and I felt tired cos I had a lot of fun and great times. I hope the following week to be as good as, it started well this monday.

[sen]

Dear Diary,

I really like European blokes, especially Scots.

Can I have one please?

Please?

THIS.

[{mad_man}]

Last week of my existence!

Monday: I woke up late as usual and had lunch with dad while we had a great conversation. I went to Marcel's place to rehearse with my jazz band, we started acoustically with acoustic guitars and percussion, it was really funky, we smoked the first joint and we were like so out of our heads cos it was a really strong one. We, later on, jammed some rock stuff I wrote myself and the boys told me that there was a gig scheduled for saturday, but too bad, I was going to the beach so I had to tell them they would have to play without me, they said it was ok and it is ok cos they are good musicians and it's a band for jamming so they can survive without a leg, we kept jamming for hours while smoking that good marijuana. Then After 4 hours of rehearsal, it was time to leave, I went with Dani and Pablo to the students' house (where they live) to meet up with Mírian. She was looking great when I saw her, I had my acoustic guitar there so I asked her to be with me in the backyard while I jammed music, my friend Lucas was there and I was so glad cos I hardly see him, I gave him a warm hug. Me and Mírian spent at least one hour cuddling and kissing while I was jamming my guitar, it was raining but we didn't care about it, I ended up writing a song I named "Brasil" about the country itself (as if it was a person) carrying less and less about the people who are proud of being Brazilians. I was all wet and my friend Samuel called me to ask me if I wanted to have a cheesburger, I said yes. Mírian didn't want to go with me, so we went to her room and I changed my clothes (she as well, cos we were wet), I spent some time staring at her tattoo in her back, I love it but she hates it, since we had our clothes off we started doing something I'm not sure I need to put details here. I gave her a kiss goodbye and I went to Samuel's office. Samuel was there with his wife (Fabi), we talked for some time and we went to a café and we had cheeseburger and soda and it was a good conversation until Samuel and Fabi had an argument over a silly thing, it's sad but they are married, they work and live together but they do hate each other. They took me back home and I had a long shower while my parents went to bed. I played my video game (Prey, in my computer) and watched tv (house, simpsons and fresh prince of bel-air), I wrote here what I did and the week before and I went to bed.

Tuesday: I woke up late, I had lunch with my parents and mom went downtown to visit my aunt. I thought I was going to have a calm day at home, but my cousin Carol called me and invited me to party in the evening. I had time, so I played guitar and piano for hours, then my cousin Ader and his son Adrian came for a visit. We talked about our girlfriends and ex-girlfriends while we were drinking orange juice and listening to Deep Purple, it was fun and pleasent. Ader offered me a ride, so I took a quick shower and went with him downtown. I gave him a handshake goodbye and met Carol, she looked good, we went to a bar and we talked about life, sex, drugs and the trip we had to Argentina and Uruguay. Then I could see that some people were carrying a drum kit and an acoustic guitar and this 9 year old boy told me he was the drummer, I helped him with the drums and the kid played and it sounded good, he asked me to play the drums (I told him I can play) and I did and all of the sudden the whole bar was looking at me, it was fun but I stopped after some time (most people there were friends or people I know) and people there smiled at me. Patrícia called me and I told her to go to the bar, she said she was with a friend but said she would manage to go there later. I talked with Carol and we shared beers until this dude started reading poems really well, I recognized him, he was my literature teacher in high school, after he read, the 9-year-old kid played Lenny Kravitz with the drums pretty well, then a dude I know played some Bob Dylan and Neil Young songs with his acoustic guitar, it was lovely. I talked to my teacher (the one who read the poems) and he said he recognized me and that the drummer was his son, I told him I can play musical instruments while he reads the poems and he gave me his number and told me that was his first day reading his own poems, I talked to the dude who played acoustic guitar and I asked him to play a jam some time, he said "as long as we have time and fun". Patrícia didn't show up so I walked with Carol to her flat and I came back home on foot. When I arrived, mom screamed at me saying it was too dangerous to go back on foot, but I told her I'm a big boy (I'm 23 by the way), Patrícia called me and told me she was waiting for me, I was like "FUUUUCK, WHY THE HELL DID I LEAVE THAT EARLY?" and I told her I thought she wouldn't show up, she said it was ok, then I read the whole Black Sabbath biography in the internet while listening to all Black Sabbath albums in shuffle mode (it took me like 5 hours), I went to bed in the morning.

Wednesday: I woke up late, my aunt was at home and mom told me she was going to stay when we go to the beach to watch the house for us. We all had lunch, then I played video-game (Prey) for some time, I played guitar and piano for over 4 hours and I felt pain in my throat (I sang as well), so I stopped practicing. I packed my beg and called the students' house to tell the boys I wouldn't be able to rehearse in the evening, Mírian picked the phone and we talked for half an hour, I had to tell her she's taking "us" too seriously and she said she's not, she told me she is like that, but I fear she sees me as more than a fuckable friend. I took a shower and had dinner, my parents and my aunt went to bed and I used msn, I had a terribe argument with my ex-girlfriend (Bruna, the one who was my classmate at uni), we had told ourselves we would be only friends but she simply doesn't accept the fact I like to get high and that I like dating women for one-night-stands or just kissing and never see each other again, we ended up telling we hate each other. Then I took a nap with an angry face.

Thursday: I woke up really early, so did my parents, I helped dad to put the bags in the car, mom told me that Diego (my older brother) was going to the beach with us (also his wife and kids). I said goodbye to my aunt and to my town and me and my parents went to Pinheira (a city in Santa Catarina state, next to Florianópolis, beachy place, very very good). Dad drove the car, it took us 7 hours, which I spent sleeping. We rented the same house we did 2 years ago, a big house with 2 floors near Pinheira beach, Diego came later on with his wife (Cinara) and my nephew (Henrique) and my niece (Gabriella), Henrique is 11 months old and Gabriella is 9 years old. We put out bags in the house and organized the place, then I helped dad with lunch and we all had a good rice with chicken that me and dad cooked. I took a short nap and we all went to the beach, I went to the sea and I could put my months of swimming lessons in practice, it was very pleasent, Diego and dad also went swimming and we had a great time together. At night, I took a shower and I played with my niece and sent time taking care of my nephew (he's a great kid, smart and cute, he loves music), I played cards with Diego while we drank beer and I realized the pain in my throat was a cold and not singing too much, I went to bed.

Friday: I woke up late as usual, I had lunch with my family. Then rain started and it rained for the whole day, my ex-girlfriend Daniela called me, she said she was near, in the same city, we arranged to see each other during the days at the beach (she's my ex but we are still really good friends, we actually dated for fun, we never fell for each other), also, my brother Pablo sent mom a message saying he was going spend the weekend with us. I played guitar for the whole afternoon, while I was playing "war pigs" by Black Sabbath, the guy next door clapped and said I'm a good guitar player, I thanked him and we talked for some time. I played with my nephew and he now smiles whenever he sees me, I love that kid, he's so fucking cute, I have a weakness for babies. Then Pablo called telling dad to pick him up at the bus station, I went with him and I was happy to see him. When we came back to the house, me and my brothers played cards while drinking beer and talking about parties and stuff, I went to bed after I won my 5th victory with cards (which was the same number for the 2 of them).

Saturday: I woke up late, all the family had a great time during lunch, we told jokes to each other. A storm took place and it kept raining and storming for the whole day. I spent a lot of time with my nephew, I sang to him and it felt so good to spend time with a baby who I care and love. I played the guitar for hours and my cold became a flu, I felt bad, my throat was killing me, I could barely talk, Cinara (sister in law) is a nurse and she gave me some medicine and stuff. For the next hours I had to stay put, so I slept the whole afternoon, I woke up and watched The Lord of the Rings with my niece and my brother Pablo, it was good but I was still sick. After the movie me and my brothers spent hours in the car listening to music (we connected the ipod with the car's stereo) and talking about music, it was by far one of the best moments I had with them, we shared beer, told jokes to each other, laughed a lot, sang together. After hours and hours, I went to bed.

Sunday: I woke up late, feeling better but still sick, I had lunch with my family and it was good. Then Daniela called, the weather was good so I went to the inn she was. Her family was there too and it was nice seeing them, we talked a lot and they are surprised I'm the new singer of Sabbra Cadabra (cos it is a big band in our town), they wished me luck as the singer of the band. Then Daniela and her older sister invited me to go to the city's centre. It was actually calm cos Pinheira is a calm city, the girls bought clothes while I was looking at the women and stuff, they laughed about me doing that saying that acting like that became my normal way of being, I laughed with them. We went to the beach and we started walking in a hiking trail. It was actually dangerous, but really fun, I ended up injurying my left arm in some rocks, but when we reached the top of a mountain we had a great view of the beaches around. It started raining so we had to go back, Daniela was in panic cos she's afraid of lightnings but both me and her sister told her not to be afraid. I walked with them to the inn and I gave them a cheek kiss goodbye, I went straight to the beach and jumped in the sea, even though my throat was hurt I could swim for 2 hours, I practically went swimming to the fishing zone which means I was really far from where I was supposed to be, so I had to swim back. I came back home and had a long shower, Pablo was going back home (to Porto Alegre, where he lives) and I gave him a warm hug goodbye, the family had a chocolate cake. I played with my niece for some time, I read her comic strips and played my guitar, Daniela called me saying bye. Then I went to bed early cos my throat was killing me.

It was a calm and relaxing week. It had its ups and downs, good things include spending valueble time with my family (specially my nephew and niece, not that I don't like spending time with my parents, brothers and my sistr in law), spending "warm" time with Mírian, having a good jam with my jazz (or rock) band and enjoying the sea and beach with my acoustic guitar. Bad things include the bad weather at the beach, fucking flu, bad agument with my ex and asking Patrícia out and ended up not showing up cos I thought she wouldn't show up (I hope she says yes when I ask her out when I get back home).

I hope you guys don't mind me posting it, it's more for me than for you, I just love writing my existence somewhere, it doesn't really matter if you read or not, nor if you enjoy or not.

[Reino]

ehhhh fuckit lol
Dear Diary, Im 16 in less than 3 hours

[panicatticmind]

Dear diary,

What the hell is Proscar anyway?

[Ratmaus]

Dear diary
I will shoot the spammer.
that's all.

[{mad_man}]

Last week of a mad man's life:

Monday: This day was the beginning of the feeling of boredom at the beach, I was starting to get bored to death at the beach, I simply can't stand rotine. I woke up late as usual and had lunch with my family, it was my turn to wash the dishes and and clean the kitchen, so I did it in the whole afternoon. It took me hours, after I finished, the whole family and I went to the beach (except for my sister in law and my nephew), it was cloudy. We walked from Pinheira beach to Sonho beach, it took us 2 hours, my parents and my niece were exausted, me and Diego were fine, I spent these 2 hours teaching my niece about animal behaviour. Our luck was not good cos it started raining and guess what we did? We walked back, but me and my brother (Diego) didn't care about the rain so we went swimming in the sea while the rest of the family headed back to the house. Me and Diego spent at least one hour swimming, we talked about ourselves and it was lovely, I confessed him that I like to get high and have sexual experiences with women I barely know, he told me he and Cinara (his wife) used to get high before they had Gabriella (my niece). After swimming, we went back to the house, I had a shower and played with my nephew, I played my guitar and wrote a tune in C#m. Musician Vini Ruler phoned me, he asked me to play lead guitar and backing vocals for a gig in Feb 4th at a local bar (São Leopoldo -where I live, and not Pinheira - where I was monday). After that, I read my niece comic strips for her before she went to bed. I talked to my brother for some time, then I used the computer, basically facebook and msn. I went to bed late.

Tuesday: I woke up late as usual and had lunch with my family. I was feeling bad because of the flu, my throat was hurting, so I spent the whole afternoon sleeping. I woke up at 5 PM and the phone rang, it was a language school asking me for a job interview next monday (to be an English teacher), I said yes (but I probably won't take the job) my brother invited me to have pancakes with him and his family (I mean, his wife and kids), I accepted. We went to the city's centre and had pancakes and ice-cream, Daniela's sisters were there and I talked to them for some time. We walked for a while and came back to the house. I took a shower and read my Nietzsche book, played my guitar and watched TV. Then I used the computer, I read biographies of Led Zeppelin, Queen and Black Sabbath, and then I went to bed.

Wednesday: I woke up late, still sick. I had lunch with my parents and, later on, chocolate cake. I remember it was sunny finally (cos it was raining yesterday), I went to the beach with my family. I went swimming with my niece, it was nice but she's 9 so I had to stay close to her all the time watching her. After swimming, me and Diego went to a rocky trail which is the way to a "hidden" small beach, it took us one hour to reach it, in which we talked about our brother Pablo (who has a lot of "social" problems), it was dangerous and I ended up hurting my legs cos we had to jump to reach some rocks. When we arrived at the hidden beach, we realized there was another trail of rocks leading to a rock mountain, we accepted the adventure. It took us 2 hours to reach the top, we had a perfect view of the sea and the beaches, we talked about music and ourselves, he told me he hadn't planned having a family when it happened (he had his first kid when he was 20) and I told him I want to have kids one day, although I won't die sad in case I don't. We headed back through a different way and we ended up in a farm (it was funny cos there was this cow and the view was exactly the same as Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother album concept), we had to follow the same trail we did in the first place, which made my brother hurt his legs too. We came to the house, I took a shower and I had dinner. I remember I was really bored, so I used the computer until I went to bed, I used msn and facebook (Patrícia had sent me a message saying she's coming back from the beach tuesday and is waiting for me). I am a scorpio, which means I need sex as much as I need air or food, so I watched porn in the internet before going to bed, since the beach here is deserted and it rains all nights.

Thursday: I was really sick, fucking flu was fucking my health. I woke up earlier than the usual cos my family (and me) went to the centre to buy stuff. I remember I stayed near the car with dad smoking cigarrettes, then we all had seafood for lunch, it was good but too expansive. We went to the beach, I went swimming and this time I went pretty far from the she shore, when I had to swim back I felt really tired, it was not a good idea to swim with a flu fucking my health. We (me and my family) came back to the house cos it started raining. I had a shower, I played with my nephew and had pop corn with my family, I remember I watched tv for hours. I played the guitar and I used the internet four hours, basically msn and facebook, I asked my friend Clinton (a Canadian who I met in Buenos Aires) to call me cos he's in Florianópolis, next to Pinheira. After using the internet, I wrote a text explaining how my musical project is, it's a 13 track concept album, I still haven't written the final version of the songs, I am still looking for the right musicians, I wrote everything I've done so far (the idea, the lyrics, the concept, the chords, production ideas and the concept of it as a whole), I sent to the musicians I know via e-mail.

Friday: I woke up earlier than the usual (10 AM). Me, Diego and his family (wife and kids) went to Florianópolis, the capital city of Santa Catarina state. I was there with my phone expecting Clinton to call me. We went to the a mall, I bought my niece a doll and we all had lunch at a cafeteria. Then me, Diego and Gabriella (niece) went to a video arcade zone and played for hours with each other. Then I went to a musical store with my niece and I tested 2 guitars for hours, a Gibson Firebird V and a Gibson SG Diablo, great guitars but I cannot afford them (interesting that my niece didn't realize it was me playing, she was distracted with the acousitc guitars and piano and thought it was a radio when it was actually me playing). Clinton didn't call, so we all headed back the the house in Pinheira. When I arrived, I checked my facebook and there was a message from Clinton saying he called me 3 times in the morning and I didn't answer, when I checked my phone there was a text message saying an "invalid" number tried to reach me. I sent Clinton a message and we were both really upset we could not meet up, we had planned to make music and stuff. Me and my family went swimming to the sea, the last visit to the beach, it was fun and I could have fun with the waves. Then, I took a shower and spent hours with Diego, we listened to music in his car (his ipod), I loved all Nine Inch Nails songs he showed me (it's his favourite band, I've always enjoyed but I must say Trent Reznor is a genius after listening to the music my brother showed me), then I went to bed really early cos I was not feeling well.

Saturday: I woke up early cos my brother was snoring too loud, I asked him to stop, but a few hours later my nephew was crying and shouting (he's a baby, 11 months old) for hours over a small thing, I could not sleep. I got up from bed and had lunch with my family at a restaurant - seafood, I was feeling better but my throat still hurt. In the afternoon, I walked with my niece at the beach, it was lovely, she told me about her friends at school and her teacher, she also asked me if I have a girlfriend cos she says I'm a good man (she's naive, cos I'm not a good man, I mean, I'm not evil but I do drugs, I drink a lot, I have sex with girls I don't know, and I do crazy things not even I remember), I told her I don't want to have a girlfriend at the moment. It started raining so we had to walk back to the house. I helped dad to pack the bags, I played guitar and I was finally able to sing after days of throat ache, I had a beer and I gave Diego, Cinara, Gabi and Henrique a big hug cos we were all coming back to our "normal" lives. Dad drove the car back home (in São Leopoldo), it took us 7 hours, we stopped 3 times to use the bathroom and to gas the car. HOME, my aunt was there taking care of things, the house was ok, it was nearly midnight so I helped to unpack while my parents and my aunt went to bed. I had a shower and had something to eat while I watched TV (House, The Simpsons and Fresh Prince of Bel Air). I used the internet for hours, msn and facebook (also, I listened to music while using the internet), musician Thiago Gadelha (from the band Foxy Trio) got my e-mail about the musical project and accepted to help producing, drummer João Gabriel Padilha (who is the drummer of Sabbra Cadabra, which I'm the singer) also accepted, Vini Ruler wants to try to be the bassist . I went to bed in the morning with a smile on my face.

Sunday: I woke up late, I had lunch with my parents and my aunt. I played the piano for some time, my aunt loved it, she gave me a hug goodbye and went back to her town. I spent hours playing guitar, mandolin and piano, I also sang while playing (I played the whole "Led Zeppelin IV" album and a lot of Black Sabbath stuff), after practicing, I took time to work on the songs of my project (which I hope to become my regular band), I worked on the rock and folk songs cos I was able to play the electric guitar loudly, but I did work a bit on my piano as well cos some songs were written in the piano. I took a shower and spent hours watching tv with mom when we had dinner (we watched House, Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Simpsons). I had an online meeting with Vini Ruler to discuss the gig we're gonna have next friday, the songs are basically electronic with some acoustic guitars, but it's gonna be only acoustic so we schedulled a rehearsal for tomorrow cos I'm not sure what to do with my acoustic guitar (I mean, it's baiscally all electronic and he wants to perform it with acoustic guitars only). After talking to him I checked my orkut and I could not belive my eyes, Camila Pavao, a girl who I "lost" years ago, added me in orkut - she was a friend, and I knew she was in love with me and I had a crush on her, but I started dating Cláudia and she simply "vanished", she moved and changed her number, when I was involved in a car accident she visited me, I was in bed so she came to say hi and soon left, I tried reaching her and again she had changed her phone number and stuff). She's looking fabulous nowadays and she's single, I am not interested in having a girlfriend at the moment, but I don't expect to lose contact with her and maybe having a rommance with her, she's simply someone who has touched my very soul in the past simply being herself. Also, while talking to Vini Ruler, he told me he knows Patrícia and that she's gonna be at the gig we will perform, good news. Mírian tried to call me but I didn't hear the phone ring, she wrote she's single in orkut, I guess telling her we're just friends helped.

It was a boring week, not because I don't like spending time with my family, but because I'm a junkie who can't stand relaxing for more than a couple of days. I was really bored, and the flu was really bad, at least I'm back and I'm already involved in many things that await on me next week. Wish me luck (if someone reads this), I have a difficult gig to play, women issues and a job interview for the following week.

[Violet.]

Dear diary,

What the hell is Proscar anyway?

I've been wondering the same thing! but i refuse to look it up. lol
Im going on strike against it... whatever it is....

[{mad_man}]

What I did in the last week:

Monday: I woke up early in the morning and kept calling the language school I was supposed to have a job interview (I wanted to ask where it is, cos they didn’t mention it when they called) and no one answered, so I came back to bed until noon. I woke up and had lunch with dad while we watched Fresh Prince of Bel-air.
I took the bus to the students’ house and met up with Dani (guitar player, who also plays the drums) and Pablo (bass player, who also plays piano, drums and sings the lower octaves) and we walked to Marcel’s house to rehearse (Marcel plays the drums but he can also sing in mid-high octaves), they told me they are going to use the name “Capitão da Encruzilhada” (it means “Captain of the crossroad”) as the band’s name, it was the name of Dani’s high school band. When we arrived at Marcel’s house we started jamming, we had no marijuana (which is actually something completely new for the band’s rehearsal), we jammed for some time (I played bass and electric guitar) until it was time to rehearse songs from the setlist Dani picked, mainly Brazilian popular music (such as Tim Maia, Paralamas do Sucesso and Raul Seixas), since I was at the beach for 9 days I did not learn the songs so I simply played percussion and sang them in the higher octave. It was good but I had to leave to Viniruler’s house to rehearse his songs for the gig Friday, I borrowed Dani’s acoustic guitar.
Viniruler opened the door and I could see how much he is a spoiled boy (telling his maid how to act and telling me he had little time cos he had to work out at the gym), he showed the songs and told me the chords, but the timing was completely wrong and the songs keep changing the chords in a very irregular way, sounding too weird and musically wrong, it was tough and I told him that his timing was too crazy.
After the rehearsal the phone rang and it was an English-teaching school asking me for a job interview, I went to the student’s house to give Dani his guitar back. Dani and I talked for a long time about music and stuff, we started to smoke marijuana and after the first joint we were high enough to smoke in an indigenous smoking pipe. Mirian (and a friend of hers who I met there, really cool guy) showed up and seemed not surprised to see me, she came and kissed me with no passion or anything and told me she was going camping with friends and left. My visit to the house became a party, my friends Lucas, Ana, Mari, Bruno, Loco, Míria (not Mirian), Pablo and Dani (from my band) were all there, getting high and, then, drunk. It was crazy, I picked Dani’s guitar and played some Led Zeppelin songs completely high, singing like Plant and playing the guitar solos, people told me it was magical and it felt good, they told me I am very talented. Loco was completely crazy, being really annoying.
After we had our fun, me and Bruno walked Miria and Mari to their apartment and then we went back to Bruno’s apartment. He told me that he got a death thread from the husband of a patient (he is a psychologist), I slept on the couch.

Tuesday: I woke up as the sun started rising, asked Bruno to open the door and came back home by bus. I had something to eat and had a long shower, I watched House and then I slept for hours. I woke up in the middle of the afternoon and there was this Mayara’s facebook message asking me out on a date, I declined cos the party she invited me to go with was in Porto Alegre (which is not so close) and I was really tired.
I had something to eat and dad gave me a ride to Novo Hamburgo (a city next to mine) for the job interview. The interview was ok, I told the woman I want to be a musician and that English is more like a second area I want to work with, she asked me to do an English test and it was easy but too long. It took me one hour to finish the test, dad drove me back home.
At home, I listened to Viniruler songs and I was completely lost cos the timing is so fucking wrong, my brother Pablo came for a visit. We talked for some time and watched House and stuff but we had an argument cos he has a very close mind when it comes to talk about life cos he has the stupid necessity to “show knowledge”. I took a shower and went to bed.

Wednesday: I woke up late and went to Viniruler’s house. This time was different, there was a bass player (his name is Leonardo, a 16 year old skinny bloke) and his cousin was there watching. We rehearsed the songs and Leonardo couldn’t figure out the timing of the songs and it was difficult to work (also, Viniruler asked me to sing backing vocals and I did it much higher than the octaves he can sing and he ended up complaining my voice was “too loud”, I ended up singing in lower octaves – which is ok, but it’s not the way I sing with passion). It was a tense rehearsal, after it we all walked to a café and the boys had something to eat while I drank tequila. We went to the mall and talked for some time, mainly about alcohol and drugs (cos they complained I drank tequila, I told them I even use LSD once in a while and marijuana at least once a week), they were shocked when I told them, a producer called Samuel Machado arrived and he told me Viniruler is “the man”, that he has a good “feeling” – I thought he was overrating Viniruler as a musician.
After that, I visited Samuel and Fabi at their office, we talked for a short time until I go to Capitão da Encruzilhada’s rehearsal (Marcel’s house), the boys were there and also Matheus (who is a singer). This time we had marijuana, a lot actually, we jammed for some time (this time I jammed drums and then guitar). We rehearsed Tim Maia’s “Caminho do Bem”, Paralamas do Sucesso’s “Calibre do Perigo” and 2 songs Pablo had written in the past (“Lobisomem” and “Terror Noturno”), it was great, I played acoustic guitar and sang the higher octaves, being the second voice in 3 songs and the lead voice in one. Dani and Pablo complained to Matheus that he needs to sing better cos I can sing higher and lower than him (I am not saying it to sound “cool”, but I can reach very high and very low notes/octaves and in a very loud voice singing, influence of singers like Plant, Mercury, Ozzy, Morrison and Daltrey), and that it would be good if he could learn how to play a musical instrument cos he could, then, contribute to the songs he’s not the lead singer. Matheus got really angry and acted like a little child, telling us we don’t like his voice, we told him that if he wants to be a singer he has to learn how to sing better cos otherwise I’ll be the lead singer, or that he has to learn how to play a musical instrument to help make the music we play sound better.
We (me, Pablo and Dani) walked back to the students’ house and Dani told me he scheduled a recording at a studio for Monday and that Marcel has already committed a crime (I’m not mentioning here what he did cos it’s his past) and told me not to worry cos it was a mistake and that Marcel likes me as a person and as a musician. My friend Bruno showed up in the middle of the street with his car and asked me to party with him and his ex girlfriend (who was also a girl I used to date, her name is Caroline). We went to Novo Hamburgo and looked for places to party but they were all crowded and expensive, they couldn’t stop noticing I was really high.
We ended up going back to the student’s house and Lucas (a friend) told us to enter cos it was Ana’s birthday party, the “boys” (Dani and Pablo) were jamming their acoustic guitars and the place was completely crowded. When people saw me with Bruno and Carol they all said hi and “fed” us with alcohol and marijuana and other cannabis variations. I was completely high, I played guitar with them, mainly rock songs from 60s and 70s (like Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, The Who, The Doors…but I also sang Coldplay and songs I wrote myself), I don’t remember this part of the party but Dani took Mari to his room and we could listen to the noise of the bed heheheh, Mirian was there and I could see in her eyes she was staring at me in a “way”, she told me to kiss her in front of everybody and I did it and she started screaming my name out loud and also the word “gato” (slang for “beautiful”, similar to calling someone “foxy”), it felt good but I can sense she’s in love with me. Lucas told me I am the best musician he knows and that he’s proud to be my friend, Wesley showed up and we talked about the past, Alemão got drunk and wanted to fight everybody (even me, cos he has a crush on Mirian), he ruined the whole party. After some time, Pablo and Lucas had an argument because of Alemão (he did ruin the party), I was tired cos I had been playing guitar since 3 PM and it was 4 AM, Mirian took me to her bedroom and she put a sexy bikini and turned the radio on with blues songs and we had the best sex we have ever had together.
After sex I was even more exhausted and Bruno drove me back home (he was with Carol, but it didn’t look they were dating or something), Mírian kissed me and I definitely sensed she is in love with me. It was daylight already, I took a shower, had something to eat and went to bed.

Thursday: I woke up in the beginning of the afternoon, REALLY tired. My cousin Adrian came for a visit and asked me for girls advice cos he has a girlfriend who doesn’t seem to enjoy the relationship. We talked while I had lunch, he left and I rehearsed Viniruler songs. When it was time I took the bus downtown, I first when to Bruno’s place and helped him cos we’re developing the Omega concept, it was fun and good but Viniruler started calling me asking me to rehearse as soon as possible. I arrived at his place and the bass player was there already, we rehearsed the songs and it was again terrible, I told him he sings out of tune and that his timing is wrong, I told him it’s not a matter of “understanding” his music, but it is a matter of playing correctly. He was pissed but we ended up playing wrong anyway to “please” him, he asked us (me and Leonardo) to stay for dinner, we had hot-dogs and coke and I told him I had to leave cos I was tired. I went to a bar and met up with Bruno and Guilherme, we had beers and played music on my 12-string guitar (cos I used it at Viniruler’s rehearsal) but I needed to leave cos I was really tired (no matter how much I like the company of my friends). Dad picked me up and, at home, I took a shower, had something to eat and rehearsed Viniruler songs but there were 2 songs I simply could not play cos the timing was so fucking wrong. I went to bed.

Friday: I woke up really early, I had a bad argument with mom cos she complained I was “going out to play AGAIN”. I arrived at Viniruler’s house for the final rehearsal, it was terrible, although we managed to play the songs, he complained of things I do such as playing the guitar solo in high octaves or singing background voice in octaves higher than what he can sing. I told him he shouldn’t have hired me if he wants to be the best musician onstage cos I sing and play better than him, Leonardo didn’t say a word. Viniruler asked me to stay for lunch and I could not stop noticing he was being really rude to his maid, I told her she’s a great cook and told him (in front of her) that I was going to steal her cos she cooks better than me. We played again the 2 songs I had trouble with until I realized I could simply jam a guitar solo and not care about the wrong timing, Viniruler complained I was playing solos. I came back home and took a nap, I woke up and mom told me she was sorry about the argument we had, I took a shower and had a sandwich. Then dad drove me to the Pub san lou where the gig was scheduled, I called the students’ house and Mirian picked the phone up, we talked for some time about the sex we had and I told her to tell Dani and Pablo I could not rehearse cos I had a gig.
At the pub, we sound checked (which took us 30 minutes), it was hard work, producer Samuel Machado (Viniruler’s producer) told me that he hired a cello player to jam during the show, I met the cello player and I told him that the timing of the songs are really crazy, he said “well, I only have a piece of paper saying the scale I have to jam”, I told him “good luck” and he invited me to go to a bar to drink beer. We went to a bar with a girl friend, she said she knows me from a party I can only remember I was drunk, the conversation was “Viniruler is a terrible musician”, the cello player (his name is “Kainã”) kept saying Viniruler doesn’t know anything about timing and singing in tune and that he was told I am a good singer and guitarist, I told him “but I don’t play in a concert for a long time” and he told me I already have a reputation in town as a talented musician for most people. We headed back to the pub to play, when I got there I was surprised my brother Pablo, his “girl friend”, my cousin Carol, Patrícia (the one I dated), Rodrigo (a friend) and Rafael Sommer (another friend) were all there saying they knew from facebook I was going to play and came there to see me play. Seconds before the show started Samuel Machado told me that Viniruler removed my microphone, I was REALLY angry cos I know he did it so then he can be the only singer. Guess what I did? I only jammed the guitar (I did play the chords when Viniruler did not play), playing guitar solos very influenced by Allman Brothers Band and Zeppelin, it made his voice sound so weak, the cello player got lost with the timing. After the concert, many people came to me praising my guitar playing, telling me I am a good guitar player, Samuel Machado was angry with me, Kainã told me he wants to play with me cos he had fun.
My friends asked me to go to the Satolep pub to get drunk, I went there with my brother, his friend and my cousin, Patrícia and Rodrigo didn’t go (nor Rafael) and told me they expected me to stay there with them. There was this rockabilly band at Satolep playing stuff like Elvis and Creedence, it was a great band and I was like “I wish I had played here with these guys”, we all got drunk, my cousin and I danced together and it was lovely, we made fun of Viniruler and laughed a lot, Carol told me how much she loves me, she’s a great cousin. Pablo drove us back home. At home, me and Pablo talked and I told him about my week and he said “dude, this Viniruler is an asshole, glad you won’t play with him”. I went to bed.

Saturday: I woke up at noon and I was still really tired, my throat was killing me and I thought it was a small problem (my throat was not ok since Wednesday). I had lunch with my parents and Pablo, I told them about the gig and stuff, my father told me “do never play with this dude again, he’s an asshole”. After lunch, I spent hours talking to Pablo with my electric guitar on hands, I showed him guitar lines I wrote with Capitão da Encruzilhada and he said “man, this sounds perfect, record it”, he told me that mom talked to him about me being a musician, he said she is worried about me “getting drug addicted” but that she knows I have talent and personality. My cousin Ader came for a visit with his son Arthur, Arthur is a problem child, he wants to fight and be aggressive all the time, and he’s 5. They soon left the house and I kept talking to Pablo, he told me Viniruler is a bad musician and he’s right, he also told me he considers me a good friend on his life and that was good for my ears cos he’s my brother and I do love him. My niece (Gabriella) came for a visit (my mom picked her up), we watched The Lord of The Rings but in the middle of it my throat was killing me.
Dad drove me to the hospital, and the doctor said I have pharyngitis (which means I won’t be able to sing and drink alcohol until I get better), she gave me a medicine and I took it. Dad drove me back home, I took a shower and had dinner with my family and used msn. I talked to Viniruler and I told him I want to talk to him about his career and he insulted me saying I’m not a professional, I told him I want to talk to him to help him improve and he kept insulting me, I told him that it’s not professional of him when he refuses to listen to someone saying “let’s talk about your career”, specially “someone who you didn’t want to play with you for being a better musician”. Patrícia also talked to me and I asked her out to play music and talk, she agreed to do it Sunday. I spent the rest of the time downloading porn and listening to music. I went to bed late, with pain in my throat.

Sunday: I woke up at noon, I was still asleep so I greeted my family (parents, brother Pablo and my niece), we had a family barbecue (it’s a tradition that families in south of Brazil have barbecues once in a week, it’s part of the gaucho culture cos people from RS state are considered gauchos) and I went back to bed. I woke up at 4 PM, still tired but my brother Diego was at home for a visit with his wife and my nephew. Henrique (nephew) is looking great, I love him, he’ll turn 1 year old soon, and he had flu so he’s not smiling. Me and Diego talked for some time about me teaching him music, I agree to teach him once a week if he pays me 25 reais for hour. Then, he and his family (I mean wife and kids) and Pablo left. I played guitar for some time and I called Patrícia and we agreed not to see each other today (I told her my throat was killing me, she told me she had a hangover).
Then I had dinner while I watched TV, I needed to rest cos I was not fine, so I rehearsed the songs I’m going to record tomorrow with my SG guitar, it was pleasant but mom asked me to turn the volume down cos it was nearly midnight. I watched TV with mom but I fell asleep, I woke up and I realized my parents were in bed already, so I used msn and I talked to Thiago Gadelha (a friend, from the band Foxy Trio) and Alinny (an ex-girlfriend). Thiago told me he’s in the studio writing his second EP with Foxy Trio, and Alinny and I talked about life for hours, she’s using drugs and she’s in the “new” feeling that she understands life now (which happens to a lot of people, specially if you use LSD, like she is) and society doesn’t – which is somewhat true, but she has to be careful cos LSD or any psychological drug has to be used in its right time, otherwise “getting high and understanding yourself” becomes as normal as eating chocolate everyday Monday afternoon. I read the rolling stones list of 500 albums and 100 best artists and I posted how much I think it sucks. Now I’m back to bed and it's morning already, see ya.

It was an intense week, too much things happened, a lot for one's life. I played in a gig with a guy who is hard to work with, my band that was only for practicing is getting more attention and it may become a regular band and not just fun, Mirian is definitely misunderstanding our "sexual friendship", Patrícia and I are losing chemistry, my brother and my cousin want to spend time with me and I was too exhausted to enjoy at its best and I still found time to help my friend with out psychological theory. Bad point is my health, I need to take care of it, sleep more, eat more and eat healthy, and take care of my mental health cos even though I didn't complain, my head feels a bit stressful after playing for 14 hours and had sex with a girl I want just a friendship that includes sex and not love. I hope next to week to be more relaxing but still as fun as this last one.

[interviewsover]

dear diary ...and mother nature,

i live in the south for a reason. stop sending us snow dammit!

kthnx
'views

[{mad_man}]

What happened to an Utzig's life:

Monday: I did not sleep when I went to bed, so I got up and wrote here what I did in the previous week and I started realizing posting here is becoming my self therapy. I remember that I woke up late, had lunch with dad while I watched tv and went downtown to the students' house. I met Dani and Pablo there and we waited Marcel and GE (I refered to him before as "Matheus", but his nickname is GE) cos Dani had schedulled a session at a local studio, the boys came late and we went to a café to get something to eat and stuff. Then we went to the studio, it was a really good one, I had my SG and it sounded good with the Meteoro amp, Dani had his Gianinni (however it is spelled) and the 2 guitars sounded great. HOWEVER, GE didn't know the lyrics and was singing really out of tune, and after the songs (and sometimes during it) he complained about the fact his voice with Pablo's backing voice sounded bad and complained to Pablo and they were nearly fighting. After the 2 hours of session we had to pay and we were all telling GE that he has to improve, otherwise the other members of the band can sing - including myself. Then we all went back to the students' house and got really high together, Marcel and I had a lot of fun together, talking about LSD cos we both take it, GE and I talked and he was trying to convince me into "being his musical partner", I didn't tell him I knew his intention but I did not seem glad with his "proposal". After it, we all listened to the 2 hours of session and it was clear that GE is a problem to the band, he sings out of tune and when he does that he makes the atmosphere become unconfortable for all band members, who are there to make music sound good and could sing in tune. I was praised by the band and the friends for my backing vocals in high octaves and guitar solos. I remember that I stayed at the house until Lucas and Bruno come to the house and invite me to had dinner with them, we went to a cafe and had a hot-dog and talked about social class problems (Lucas is poor, Bruno is not, and I am "sort of"). Then Bruno took me home and I told him goodbye, mom was at home and was in tears cos she saw a picture of my brother Pablo wearing a woman dress (cos he wants to look like a girl, although he claims he's not gay), I hugged her and told her things are gonna work out for all of us, including him. I used the internet and I talked to Alinny, she told me she wish she could be here with me cos I am "man enough to make her happy when no one seems to", I liked it but I also told her there are nice guys everywhere. I went to bed.

Tuesday: I woke up really late as usual, had something to eat and watched TV, I don't really remember what I did, I simply don't. I remember I was feeling pain in my throat and stuff, and that I was too tired to play music, I also remember I talked to Jari to play music while he reads poetry, to Patrícia to date her on thursday, and to Caca (an actress and friend) to talk to her about life on thursday as well. I remember I stayed home and talked to my family during the night until they went to bed, I played music with my guitar and piano for hours (but I did not sing) and I wrote some stuff. Used msn and watched porn, masturbated, listened to music and stuff. I remember Gisella talked to me on msn and I told her I would date her if she was not in Texas, she liked it, I also talked to Fernanda and she agreed to come to see me for "fun". I watched the simpsons and fresh prince of bel air, went to bed.

Wednesday: I woke up REALLY late, probably 5 PM. I took a shower and had something to eat while I watched TV, it was good, then I went downtown to the students' house. I met up with Dani and Pablo and the 3 of us went to the supermarket and bought stuff to eat and drink, Viniruler was there and he was arrogant to the point of asking if the boys were "musicians" when they are actually much better than he is and don't act like that. Dani asked me if I really want to be in the band cos he says I could be a good leader and wouldn't "need them" cos they are skilled too, I told him it is a pleasure to play with them and that I will continue. We went to Marcel's place to rehearse. It was hard at the beginning cos Marcel has too many "friends", they all treated me well but I know the reason now (and I'm not posting cos it's irrelevant) when we actually wanted to play music. We ended up playing much later then we had planned, it was good and we got really high, it was fun and GE didn't show up and this actually made the music sound much better cos we all had a lot of fun, there was a guy there and he praised us and told me I'm a good guitar player, Marcel also praised me and the boys. Then we went to a "place" and got even higher with other substances, I sticked to Marijuana but I used a different one, a "better" one. They boys are used to doing that and they started laughing about the fact I was acting "too normal" when they know I am not as junkie or as "horny" as they are (cos yes, there were a lot of girls there) and I was doing the same things they were. After the "fun", Dani and Pablo wanted me to sleep over the students' house. Marcel drove us, I was so high I don't even remember how it was, Mirian saw me and she knew I was too high and just said hi and put me in bed.

Thursday: I woke up early in the morning and Lucas and Larissa saw me and greeted me and invited me to walk with them to the bank. I did it and we all talked and it was good, we shared a joint in the rain cos it was too early and not even the people who work at the bank were there, we talked and it was good. It was raining so I took a bus home, all wet and smelling (marijuana smell). I came home and took a long shower and stayed in bed. My parents woke me up and I greeted them and went downtown with them cos I had to pick my guitar up at the students' house, we did it. At home, dad and I talked about life while we cooked lunch and I MUST say I felt he was proud of the way I see life cos he sees it as a success of a father, it was lovely and we were both emotional about it. I slept for most of the afternoon, I woke up and some relatives were at home (aunt, uncle and a cousin - who is not their son), we talked but they are too "unreal" towards the world, they drove me downtown. Downtown, I went to a café and met Caca there, she was looking good and it was great talking to her, I felt really good about it, it was a good conversation which ended up with her telling me she is moving to São Paulo and wants me to stay over. Patrícia showed up and she was looking VERY VERY VERY VERY sexy, more than I could ever imagine, she came when Caca was leaving and I was surprised they know each other. Me and Patrícia talked for some time, it was lovely and we ended up talking more about "stuff" than about playing music (cos she invited me to play guitar as she sings), she was always smiling, after a long time, she invited me for a walk and it was great, she saw a friend who invited her to stay and they both invited me to stay with them but I had to leave cos I was so fucking tired phisically, Patrícia told me she wants to see me on sunday. I took the bus back home and went straight to bed.

Friday: I woke up really late, had something to eat and watched TV. I took a long shower and used msn for hours, I talked to Patrícia and I must say it was as good as it was in the night before, she said she was really looking forward to see me. I went downtown to meet up with Dani and Pablo at the students' house. When I came there, Ana told me that GE and Dani were involved in a fight against each other. Only Pablo and Ana were at the house, the other people were working and stuff, Pablo and I smoked marijuana together and talked about how our parents face this reality. Lucas came to the house with Mirian, and she started being "romantic" to me, kissing my hand, Pablo was jealous and left, she told me that he once asked her out and she rejected. Lucas and Mirian asked me to play guitar for them, I played some Led Zeppelin stuff, Dani arrived at the house and he was crying, we talked for some time and he enjoyed having someone to talk to. Then I kept playing guitar, all of the sudden I realize there people there who I don't know, A LOT OF PEOPLE, and that after each song someone hands a glass of wine or a joint and say "I saved it while you were playing". People were not talking cos they wanted to listen to me singing, and I heard girls' voices saying "what's his name?", "I wish he could sing only for me", "He has such a sweet but still very masculine voice". All of the sudden people say "Michel, let's go to a bar". I went there and played pool, an ex girlfriend greeted me and said out loud "I am single now" and the girls were clearly jealous about it. One of the girls (the one who probably asked my name as I played, she was blonde) managed to get the two of us drinking together and talking, she always seemed to care about stuff I said and I was just being honest with her questions about me. I was high and drunk so I don't remember now how I was at a table with a lot of people I don't know there, including the blond girl, this dude comes to me and says he has a mansion and wanted us to go there party. I was the one who walked in the front, not mentioning that he was the one who knew the way. When we arrived, we started drinking wine, wine wine wine wine, I was drunk and telling to a crowd of people about what sex is to me and saying sexual experiences I have already had, people were all paying attention to what I said, even people I didn't know, and I had a turtle on my hands (it's the dude's pet), I also played his guitar, wrote some songs automatically and I was clapped. Mirian took me to a couch in some kind of living room and I said "come here beside me", she said "you're horny" and I started playing blues with the guitar and then she said "cute" and we had sex. Sex this time was as good as last time, she was looking like a hot female rockstar, it was lovely and I felt like I was in a porn scene cos it was in the biggest living room I have ever been. After sex, I fell asleep.

Saturday: I woke up with Mirian on me, both naked, I put my clothes on and the dude (the one who lives there) was awake with his mother having breakfest, I joined them. Then my brother Pablo called me saying he could give me a ride, I woke Lucas up and the 3 of us (Me, Lucas and Mirian) walked back to the students' house, in the way Mirian said the dude's mother is hot and I agreed and she laughed, I said the word "babies" and she said "it's too son for us to think about babies" and now I know she is in love with me. Pablo picked me up and we went back home. At home, I had lunch with my parents and Pablo and then me and him watched a Martin Scorssesse (can't remember how to spell his name) movie about BLUES, I loved each second and watched my Deep Purple biography on dvd with Pablo. I took a shower and mom gave me a pile of books and told me and my brother that we can share them cos she doesn't want it anymore, they are good ones and it took us some hard time to decide. Then me and Pablo went to Satolep pub cos it was my cousin's birthday (her name is Carol). Carol was looking great, the 3 of us started talking but Pablo has the talent to make each conversation into an argument. Carol friends showed up and it was nice but still boring cos her friends are too arrogants, my friend Leonardo was there and that was good. After some time I had already talked to a lot of people, drank a lot and the band was performing rock music too "softly", Carol was drunk and came to the microphone and said "this is my birthday and I want my cousin Michel to play a song for me". I told the band to play a blues in A as I played the guitar and sang, it was good but my "rock" attittude was seen by them as crazyness cos I played with a "ritchie blackmore" energy and sang with a "kurt cobain" one, it was an odd combination but after we played the 2 songs (crossroads by cream and love me two times by the doors), people were amazed with my "lack of dignity" to sing and play like hell, girls came to me and my cousin said "you can have the one you want tonight", I kissed a girl I only remember her nickname was "the short one". Another one asked me out but I don't really remember her name, nor if I gave her my number. Pablo wanted to go back home and dad picked us up. We came back home and my brother wanted to talk but it fucking became a fucking argument because of his fucking necessity to "show knowledge".

Sunday: I woke up late, I had lunch with my family and it was very pleasent. Then, I watched Fresh Prince of Bel Air and simpsons and played some Johnny Cash and Joni Mitchell songs cos Patrícia suggested for us to play together. I took a shower and I was going downtown to see Patrícia, she calls me saying she has a big problem and could not meet up, I told her how much "upset" I was and we arranged to talk about it some other time. I went to the students' house and people were there, I talked to them and it was GREAT, I could see they respect me and admire the friendship I have with all of them. I went to Carol's apartment, she was surprised and we talked for hours and hours about ourselves and my brother Pablo, she reached the conclusion she hates him but hates herself to hate him cos she knows he has social and emotional problems, I try I try not to think like her cos I love him as a brother and I know he loves me as a brother too, but it is really hard to "live" with him - including being a friend and a brother. I came back home, she gave me a hug and said I am the only one in the family who understands her. At home, I talked a bit to my parents and used msn, it was good cos some girls wanted attention, but also bad cos one of them is an ex who hates the fact I am not "spending online time with her anymore cos I am, FOR HER, a horny man". My friends Bruno and Loco invited me to eat a cheesburger and soda, I said "yes", we went to a café and talked, Loco is too naive about the social differences of poor and rich people, we had an "argument" but as we were eating, we talked about music and it was good. Then we talked about tv and fun and it was good. Bruno drove me home and we talked about Pablo's problems, we reached the conclusion his ego is too hurt but it's strong enough not admit it is. Bruno said bye to me and here I am now writing this sentence.

It was again an intense week. I think "different" realities are making me feel too normal to whatever is different. I am currently sick of having too much fun and having too many people carrying about my existence, I might sound arrogance to whoever reads it, but writing this is my self therapy cos I hope no one reads this. I know it's not interesting for anyone to read these posts of mine but me, but I know now some people want to read cos my joy in life is currently not telling people who I am to avoid being treated "differently", the problem is that I am good looking for many people, musically talented for others, nice to others, funny to others, arrogant to others, crazy to others and wise to others. I reached the point that I know how to act to please each people, and it makes me lack my own identity cos it feels like I am everything. I feel emotionally and mentally tired, I need to rest my head and my heart.

[sen]

generally tl;dr, but

People were not talking cos they wanted to listen to me singing, and I heard girls' voices saying "what's his name?", "I wish he could sing only for me", "He has such a sweet but still very masculine voice".

HAHAHAH
you are so modest.

[wheelyq]

madman, I think your life somewhat resembles the movie "Y Tu Mama Tambien".

trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Qg6n7V3kO4

[{mad_man}]

Dude, I watched this once and I see your point but it doesn't make too much sense. It's like, Brazilians are way too different than Mexicans and I'm not a kid, I'm 23, my life is actullay a "normal" Brazilian adult life. The biggest difference is the music, cos musicians here are not too hard to find but they're not dedicated musically, it's like, they are not so skilled and act as if they were celebreties. I started to take music seriously a short time ago (which means I have a lot to learn) and my life now is very intense - which means it is "normal" but things happen more often and faster than to most people. This "sex" thing I am talking here is normal for a lot of people here, my friend Clinton (Canadian) came for a visit in the past 3 days and he says how much "sexual" Brazil is, he says sex is "part of Canadians' life" but he says in Brazil it's like you are part of a soap opera cos people are always "controlling" each other sexually speaking.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll keep posting here cos I've already said "bye" before and I meant it that time, and I guess I'm gonna stick to the idea, posting here helps me taking a look at my personal things but carrying about it can take valuable time to actually rest my head!

[{mad_man}]

Dear CP diary (finally, it is only a messageboard): Mirian was arrested for drug abuse when we (a group of 5) were just sharing one joint and she refused to be treated violently, she's at home now and she's fine - I hate the fact we have an "army police", they treat us violently and threat us physically for the silliest reasons. I got a job playing in a local pub (the same I played with Vini Ruler) and I have an interview for a radio, if I pass I can play live for one hour. The band I'm currently playing (Capitão da Encruzilhada) is having trouble cos the drummer is having too much attention with his current way of getting paid, the singer was finally fired, which means I'll be the lead singer for most of the songs, we are going to record a 4 track EP and release it in the internet - I'll be the producer, I'll play electric guitar, piano and sing most of the songs. I am also writing the script for a group of comics who want to produce a pilot for a tv show and I might as well be the director cos writing scene 1 was enough to make me have a lot of ideas. Patrícia and I are getting along very well, however, Mirian and I are close but she's too "hippie" for me, also, Fernanda is in love with me after we had a 2-day date that ended up with the most intense "couple" experience I have already had. People are feeding me with drugs and alcohol and want my attention and this is driving me insane cos I do not remember when was the last time I had a day for myself, it's been some time since I don't rest and it's been only a few weeks since I came back from the beach. Ah, university classes start next week, so does chinese classes, I think I'll pass out...or away

The end...of the post...if I continue!